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Six months. - In The Cage [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Six months. [Mar. 18th, 2010|11:21 pm]
[Feelin... |nostalgicnostalgic]
[Download THIS! |Incubus - Oil and Water]

Last August, I moved in with a friend I used to deal poker with in Vegas. I was happy living by myself, but didn't care for my condo. There are reasons why condos in Vegas are more expensive to live UPSTAIRS. And I learned.

So I moved in with her after we talked for hours one night after I looked at the place. We had a great night, caught up on stuff because we hadn't talked in over a year, she made some dinner and I agreed to move in with her.

At the time, she was living off her savings, and playing poker to get by. Vegas was tough last August. Unemployment was closing in on 13%. I wasn't worried about her, because she is a headstrong girl with skills. The chick could deal cards. And talk her face off. I knew she would land something.

In the meantime, I kind of gave up and broke. I had my own place, with a gorgeous convertible, paying my bills with my two jobs I loved, but single. There was never any chance of that changing, because I was adamant about not dating. Wasn't interested. My thought was, Cora was the best friend I'll ever have, and our marriage failed. How am I going to be happy with anyone else? So I didn't try. I didn't look. I didn't care.

So I moved in with Brooke. Privacy was not going to be an issue for me, I was never going to have a woman over. And ten days later, I decided I didn't want to pay for a foreign car that I couldn't even find an AIR FILTER for, so since I had recently gone bankrupt anyway, let them take the Saab and I bought a 95 Toyota Paseo.

And again, it was a decision based on not needing to impress anyone driving it, better gas mileage, cheaper insurance and when it broke down, would be a cheap fix.

That was my life. Living in a two bedroom condo with a 26 year old woman, (platonic), having two jobs I loved but was never gonna get rich doing, eating take out and drinking. Hanging out with friends until the sun came up, waking up battered and bruised for various reasons, (mostly stupidity) and content doing it.

Then I decided to complicate things. Facebook happened. I was a Myspace guy, but suddenly on Facebook, I had 100 friends.. then 200.. then 300.. I couldn't even believe it. Seems like everyone I ever knew, for years or for five minutes.. from work or hockey.. from grammar school to high school.. from old friend to ex-girlfriend were there..

And for some reason, I decided to throw a party. In Lowell. From Vegas.

I called it the Facebook Faceoff. And I invited everyone on my friends list.. from every corner of my life, let's all get together and have a beer. It will be fun, invite all YOUR friends. Let's FILL the place.

I flew home for the first time in 2 years, and immediately started spending time with old friends before the party.. while I was home, I had a rental car thanks to a favor from someone who has been one of my best friends for 25 years, so I was seeing it all myself again.

The Red Sox jackets. The Patriots bumper stickers. Bruins jerseys. Shamrocks everywhere. I heard the accent that I once LOVED having but LOST after getting a job in the casino. I hid it. And learned to talk without it. What an asshole thing to do. Seriously, I hated myself for it every day.

Hearing people talk about things that were happening locally was almost new again. Because it pertained to EVERYONE. In Vegas, in a room with 100 people, no matter WHAT you had to say, you'd be lucky if 10% cared at all. Because in Vegas, there's no FAMILY outside your own. Or it's rare.

Then the party. The actual Facebook Faceoff.

I got there 15 minutes late, went with Scott and Nick, driven by a former classmate and great friend who I never would have heard from again without Facebook, Melanie.

Saw Kim outside.. hadn't seen her in 20 whatever years, hugged like we've always known each other.. walk in.. same thing KEPT HAPPENING.

In fact, it took me almost 2 hours to get past the bar in the center because all the old faces I grew up with kept pouring in.. it got overwhelming, I couldn't even keep up.

An hour into the party, with my camera in my pocket, I smiled and I told one of my closest friends that I wasn't going to take any pictures. I decided at that moment that I was moving home. Where I belonged. With friends and family. And because I was spread so thin, I knew whatever pictures I wanted, I would get when I moved home.

And then with what felt like a permanent smile on my face already, saw her walk in. Way back then she was the 'mystery girl'. The superultramegacutie. It was fun. I played it cool all night, only one person figured it out, I secretly picked up her tab and she went home.

She left me a voicemail that leveled me on her way home. It was fun, it was cute, brave and honest.. and it was new.

In SIX WEEKS, I took my life from where it was in Vegas, to where it was GOING back home. And I couldn't wait. All my friends, my family, and now a great girl too. I wasn't expecting all that from one trip home, but it happened. It was a whirlwind.

Took me a month to get it all together. Worked my ass off to save money, figured out my living situation, had a job lined up, my relationship with the mystery girl grew stronger every day.. had a few great 'last weekends' with my friends in Vegas, left it all behind and moved BACK to where I truly belong.

Driving home 3,010 miles cross country was one of the easiest things I have ever had to do with a gorgeous girl waiting for me anxiously, and another one of my best friends in Craig being my extra set of eyes and ears.. and since I got home, I have spent so much quality time with so many great people and my personal life has improved tenfold..

Then it started happening.. lost the job I came home to right before X-mas.. car was in shambles and took a big chunk of my savings to fix.. my mutual friends started fighting.. the next job I took wasn't paying the bills.. car accident.. mail issues.. tax issues.. TV broke.. tried working in an office and that sucked and ended in a week.. setback after setback.. Everything I was trying was failing. Nothing worked.

And then? I lost her too.

There is a HUGE negative side that has been built into my psyche. I only recently learned where it comes from, and I refuse to let it hold me down.

So the positive side of me which only comes out when I force it tells me, she helped get me home and made the drive so easy.. she is the sole reason I'll love again.. and I got four good months with a woman I crushed on for 20 years, and will always care about..

And now I am home where I belong. And I had a plan for 2010, and I'm gonna stick to it. My life is just going to improve. All the way around.

[User Picture]From: lemonbean
2010-03-28 02:42 pm (UTC)
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