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The last epiphany. - In The Cage [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
NineZero

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The last epiphany. [May. 12th, 2010|11:37 pm]
NineZero
[Feelin... |cynicalcynical]
[Download THIS! |3 Colors Red - Beautiful Day]

I did some serious spring cleaning on Facebook.

The hurt finally turned to anger.

I'm usually a lot smarter about things, but I wasn't this time. I went in blind.

I am almost 39 years old.. I've lived with women, I was married, I'll never pretend to fully understand anyone really, male or female but I would like to think I have a pretty good sense of what it's all about.. I always learn from my life experiences..

So why did I let this last thing happen?

I came home and dated a girl who was incredible to me for a few months, and I ignored the biggest fact I never took into consideration..

39 years on Earth.. I have never met a single woman that has put up with more shit from her husband and stayed with him. Not an exaggeration. It's not even close.

I have NO IDEA why I thought, -I- was going to be Prince Charming and sweep her off her feet.. And this entry is public, not going to discuss much about her life, it's not her journal, and no one's business really, including mine.

I just wish she never made it my business.

The fact that she is forever attached to him is fine, but the picture that was painted was bullshit at best.. originally the idea was, after 6 months, meet the kids, after a year move in.. yeah right.

THAT'S what I'm pissed about.. it was a complete impossibility from minute one. She should never have wasted my time with that.. that family is locked in. There is no room for anyone else, and nothing is ever going to change that. And AGAIN.. that is fine for HER, if that's how she wants to live..

I didn't need to be 'rebound guy' or 'revenge guy'.. I don't date people.. I gave up on 'multi-tasking' 13 years ago..

The only weird thing about she and I.. is when I had a crush on her all those years ago, I always kind of hung onto hope until I saw her with her baby and the husband.. when I saw that, I moved on pretty fast.

Now I'm doing it for the second time. It'll be just as fast, but this time, the baby wears a size 15 shoe, and I'm throwing away cards, letters, gifts and pictures.

Said it before.. Tony says, 'Live in the castle you build.'

I'm pouring the foundation and covering the last bullshit six months.
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